Dr. ABBAS  home.gif (1126 bytes)

                                                                                             

 

Crushes
Q. I am 24 years old and my husband is 25 years. Is it normal to have crushes, even though I am married? I have a happy marriage, but I am finding myself very attracted to a co-worker. How should I handle it?
Concerned Reader, DSM.
A. A crush comes with certain feelings that often disappear after two people have been together for some time. If someone else causes you to have these feelings, you would naturally want to continue experiencing them. You could compare a crush to a quart of ice cream. Yes, it is enticing, but you know there will be consequences if you keep dipping your spoon into the container — and you must stop yourself after a few mouthfuls. If you allow yourself to indulge in this crush over a longer period, and if you let the other party know your feelings, you will put your marriage at great risk. One aspect of being a grown-up is being able to exercise self-control. That is why we recommend young people to wait to get married. They are not always ready to keep their commitments. If you are having serious difficulties with your marriage, you should try to resolve them, but if you are just indulging yourself with some fantasies about a co-worker, then I suggest you develop the strength of character to stop these fantasies before they get you into trouble.

Tips Couple Should Know
Q. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 22 years. We are engaged and will get married soon. I would like to know the best tips couple should know. Kindly, help me to sort out this problem.
Concerned Reader, Arusha.
A. Here are the best tips. Communication is the most important tip. It strengthens the bond between you. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, you will feel even closer in the end. Tell him what you like most about your sex life. Do not be afraid to ask for something new or different. Just be sure that you do not talk about major sexual issues while you are about to have sex or having sex. Start foreplay as early as possible. Foreplay can begin as early as the morning of the night when you expect to have sex. By increasing your emotional connection, you will slowly start the arousal process, gradually increasing your level of arousal all day — and all night. Even on the most hectic of days, take a few moments to think about your lover and maybe indulge in a quick sexual fantasy. When both halves of a couple lead busy lives, sometimes the only way to leave time for sex is to literally put it on your schedule. Do not forget that sex is supposed to be fun. The more fun you make it, the more enjoyable it will be. Sex should be fun for both parties, and getting things started should be just as equal and just as enjoyable. Just because you are not in the mood, that should not stop you. Chances are your body will react to his and you will become aroused in the process. Remember that sexual stimulation is directly linked to intellectual stimulation. If you want to have sex later that night, be sure to spend time talking to each other first. Try to guess each other’s thoughts. Can you actually read your lover’s mind? Probably not, but why not give it a try? Maybe you will discover that you really are on the same wavelength. How long does your partner like to have a particular body part licked, caressed, nibbled or otherwise tended to? Share your novel ideas. Many women do not get sufficient clitoral stimulation from intercourse in the missionary position to have an orgasm. But if she’s on top, her partner’s hands are free to stroke her clitoris, which might be just what she needs to have an orgasm. Though the clitoris is the seat of a woman’s orgasm, some women find that direct contact is too strong and prefer to have the area around the clitoris stroked rather than the clitoris itself. Skip alcohol for better sex.

Private Parts Pierced
Q. My new boyfriend has a penis piercing, and I’m not sure how to handle it. I feel like I’m going to hurt him, and I am embarrassed to ask about it. How much do you know about private parts piercing?
Worried Partner, DSM.
A. No, you cannot hurt a pierced penis as long as you handle it normally and do not tie heavy weights to it. As a matter of fact, some pierced guys maintain and enjoy by tie the extra weights like ornaments gives them extra sensation during foreplay and intercourse. Piercing is reputed to increase the pleasure of a partner when she is penetrated, in the same way that novelty condoms are meant to. But the only person who can answer your questions about how the piercing feels for him is right there beside you.