Dr. ABBAS  home.gif (1126 bytes)

                                                                                             

Still Lonely
Q. I am 68 years old and throughout my long marriage until my wife died I never associated with other women except those I met on a purely friendly basis. I loved my wife very much and bitterly regret losing her. We had regular sex, but fairly unadventurous with one main position. I did on one occasion suggest we find alternatives positions, but she was uninterested. I would like to have sex again. Do you think I could obtain from women the kind of sex I would have enjoyed but never experience with my wife?
Concerned Reader, DSM.
A. Grief differs in the way it affects people. There are, however, stages, which are well recognized. People move through grief in the form of disbelief, anger, guilt and finally, coming to terms with their loss. Wishing for what should have been is very common. The relationship with your wife was very special and cannot be replaced, but it is understandable that you miss the sexual part of your relationship along with the loving that you experienced.
It is impossible for someone else to replace the very special relationship that you both shared. Women live longer on average than men, and so the good news is that there are more women of your age than there are men. Without doubt there are women who are willing to supply your sexual needs but you may find it more satisfying to have a meaningful relationship with a women, which includes more than just sex. Having sex with an unknown woman carries all the risk of exploitation on both sides, not to mention the danger of sexually transmitted diseases. It would be better to make contact with someone known rather than take major risks.

Young Love
Q. I am 34 years old engaged to 32-year-old guy. I have two problems. I have a long-standing desire to have sex with young boys around 18 years. I have actually done this already. I never feel attracted to mature men. I feel so guilty as I have been with my boyfriend for seven years and really love him. My other problem is that my boyfriend likes me to masturbate in front of him but I am very uncomfortable with it. Kindly, can you help me, as I am concerned with these two problems.
Concerned Reader, Morogoro.
A. Relationships, particularly sexual relationships, are never straightforward. Often one person wants to dominate while the other is submissive. Problems occur when both people want to take the lead role or both are submissive. Forget about men always being the master. There are many happy relationships where this traditional view of sex is reversed. Similarly with gay men and lesbian women. It may well be that you wish to be dominant but your boyfriend is making demands of you that makes you more submissive than you really like. Teaching a younger man the art of sex is a fantasy of both men and women. A seven-year relationship with one person gives a certain moral claim irrespective of the law.
Many men are really turned on by watching their partners masturbate. Like all sex play, you need to come to an agreement over what is and is not acceptable to both of you. Talking through your fantasies and sexual needs is the first step towards real understanding between sexual couples.

Creamy Discharge
Q. I am 20 years and have a boyfriend of 29 years. I had sex a week back with him and since then I am suffering from a whitish cream discharge, smells, and uncomfortable and intense itch around vagina. Have I caught a sexual disease?
Concerned Reader, DSM.
A. You are suffering from vaginal thrush, infection caused by candida albicans (candidiasis). In healthy human beings the fungus occurs on the skin and in the intestines, and often cause no infection or difficulties. Candidiasis of the vagina can cause vaginal discharge, which is thick, creamy in colour and smell yeasty. Thrush is a common yeast growth that can cause extreme soreness and itchiness. It can be passed between sex partners, but you can also get it if one has diabetes, or spontaneously, perhaps as a result of taking antibiotics or using highly perfumed soap on your genitals. Infection is also easy to get in pregnancy or if a patient is on oral contraceptive pill.
There is intense genital soreness, irritation and vaginal discharge. Some tips to reduce infection are as follow: You need to reduce your weight if you are over weight, stop wearing synthetic or tight clothing, stop using perfumed products on your genitals and apply a fungicidal cream or pessaries to the vagina. You should avoid having intercourse until your thrush has been completed. At the same time you boyfriend should also be treated.