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Failure Of Erection
Q. I am 25 years old and have a terrible problem of failing to have an erection just before sexual intercourse. This has caused embarrassment in front of my girlfriend. What is it and what should be done? Secondly, even controlling ejaculation for long is also a problem for me. Why do I get this problem?
Concerned Reader, Moshi.
A: At some point in life almost every man will have the experience of either not being able to get an erection when he wants or losing it at the wrong moment. It might happen when you are putting on the condom, for example, or when you are trying to penetrate your partner. This can be very upsetting and frustrating. Hopefully your partner is someone who is nice and mature enough to be understanding and comforting if this happens.
The usual cause is anxiety. Perhaps you are worried about weather your partner will enjoy having sex with you. Will you perform well? One practical thing to do is to hold your penis firmly at the base so that the blood that causes the erection does not rush out. If this does not work it is best to take a break and then try again.
Start kissing and cuddling, allowing yourself to gradually get more excited until you get an erection. Another cause for erection problems is too much alcohol. This is known as brewer’s drop. The solution is not to drink or to drink less.
Secondly, for many men controlling ejaculation is a problem from time to time. A man may find himself coming before he really wants to and before his partner has had time to enjoy the sexual experience. The most likely reason for this is again anxiety. Perhaps you are making love in the backseat of a car and you are worried someone will walk past, perhaps you did not buy any condoms, or perhaps you are not very experienced and afraid of letting your partner down.

Sexual Dreams & Fantasies
Q. I am a 19 year old lady and have a problem of very weird dreams. Why am I getting these dreams?
Concerned Reader, Tanga.
A: Part of becoming a mature sexual person is having dreams and fantasies about sex. This is quite normal. You may find that you dream or fantasise about all sorts of weird things for example sex with some glamorous stranger or sex with more than one person. You may even dream about sex with your relatives, your partners, workers, etc. All this is quite common and does not mean that in real life you want any of these things to actually happen. There is no dream or sexual fantasy that you have that other people have not also had. If daydreams make you uncomfortable, remember that you can change them or end them. Remember that dreams and fantasies are often about forbidden or taboo behaviour and situations that you would not enact in real life

Sexual Arousal
Q. I am 23 years old and my girlfriend is 21 years. I really would like to know if there are any aphrodisiacs that really work. Secondly, I have heard that weird and wonderful substances such as rhino’s horn and mandrake route are supposed to increase sexual power. Do they really work?
Concerned Reader, DSM.
A: There is no magic that miraculously increases sexual desire, arousal, ability and sensation. Some traditional aphrodisiacs such as yohimbine or Spanish fly do have some effect on the genitals, but the effect is minimal and may be coupled with unpleasant side effects. Yohimbine, obtained from the bark of an African tree has a minimal effect on arousal and may cause a dangerous drop in blood pressure. Spanish fly made from dried and crushed bodies of a type of beetle works by irritating and inflaming the genitals, but it is also a poison and taking it can be fatal. Alcohol is sometimes used as an aphrodisiac – although a small dose does have an anti-inhibitory effect that allows you to let go and openly express sexual feelings, large doses have the opposite effect, impeding sex by inducing a type of impotence.
The closest substances to aphrodisiacs that are endorsed by the medical profession are viagra, cialis and others, but should be taken after your doctor’s advice. These substances have earned reputations as aphrodisiacs simply because they resemble or exaggerate the shape and size of the genitals. Some food such as oysters and figs are perceived as sexy for the same reason. The rhino with its phallic horn is associated with a similar mythology.
Mandrake contains ingredients that may offer increased alertness that may offer increased alertness and energy. But be warned, it also contains chemicals, which make you sick.