By Express Reporter
All of us have experienced that moment – when we lose faith in
ourselves and poof, our confidence crumbles. Unless you tackle it right,
self-doubt can hinder your dreams. Adopt these bold moves to boost your bravado
now.
STEP # 1
Stop Comparing Yourself
If you have been sizing up every moment of your life with somebody else’s
success, stop now. “Nobody ever enjoyed anything when they had a picture in
their head of something better. So, stop beating yourself up every time your
world doesn’t match the scenes in your head. Recognise that the reality that
rears its head on a regular basis is not the result of a personal failing on
your part; it’s called real life,” says www.ivillage.com. When you make
comparisons, you end up wasting all your energies trying to achieve another
person’s dreams, and neglect all the good things in your life.
MAKE OVER MOVE
“Did you know that 99 per cent of your self-beliefs are not true? So, start
by changing what you believe about yourself,” says Lynda Field in Woman Power.
To up your self-esteem, make positive affirmations about yourself and learn to
love the unique person that you are. It also helps to wake up in a happy world,
so surround yourself with beautiful things like a bunch of flowers, or hang up
that adorable baby picture of you on the wall. Instead of focusing on what you
don’t have, make a list of all the things you love about your life – your
independence, or the fantastic career that you have going.
STEP # 2
Beat Self-Sabotage
If you shoot yourself down or feel you are not good enough just when you are
about to accomplish something, you are suffering from a full-blown case of
self-sabotage. This could be due to past incidents when you nearly got what you
wanted but didn’t, so you expect things to always go wrong. “Some people make a
life’s work of punishing themselves for past mistakes, or missed opportunities.
As a result, they generate anger that prevents them from seeing clearly in the
present moment,” says Rhoberta Shaler in Optimize Your Day!
MAKE OVER MOVE
Go beyond your regular targets. Instead of your usual run in the park, jog
around the entire block in your colony. Always complete what you set out to do,
and never ever leave things undone. “Write down your action plan. Detail the
steps you need to take and give yourself realistic deadlines for achieving
them,” says Field. “And each time you get closer to your goal, congratulate
yourself for it.”
STEP #3
Admit It When You can’t Cope
Are you on the verge of a breakdown? There seems too be so much to do, that
the enormity of your responsibilities overwhelm you, and your confidence wavers.
Slow down – the sooner you admit you are not super-woman and that there is only
so much you can handle, the better for you. Accepting your shortcomings is not a
sign of weakness, it’s only realising that you are human.
MAKEOVER MOVE
Get your organiser out and make a list of all the things you need to do.
Divide it under different sections such as home, office, friends, me-time, etc.
Start by doing two items a day, like cleaning up your desk under ‘work’, or
re-potting the plants under ‘home’, but make sure you don’t put yourself under
unnecessary pressure to finish everything within 24 hours. When you set your own
pace you will see that you are able to achieve much more. And if you feel you
can’t cope alone, seek help from your pals.
STEP #4
Learn to Say No
“Saying yes to avoid confrontation when you really want to say no will bring
your confidence down,” says Rand. Unless it’s genuine problem, refusing someone
will not only make your life less complicated, but they’ll stop taking you for
granted.
MAKE OVER MOVE
It’s all in the way you say it. Rather than being aggressive, say it calmly
and sternly so that they get the message in the first go. Build up your ‘no’
muscle by practising in situations you’re not emotionally involved in, says
Perry. For example, say no to that pushy salesman, then move on to people who
have more of an emotional impact, like your bullying boss. And every time you
feel yourself weakening, visualise a big sign that boldly shouts “NO!”
STEP #5
Don’t Be Afraid of Failure
How many times have you let go of an opportunity just because you were
scared that things might not work out? Most of us have become so blasé that even
if we were forced to move out of our comfort zones, we would still prefer to
stay put. Now, that is hardly the solution, because what you need to do is take
action now – no matter what the results. Don’t always try to be Ms Impeccable
who never makes a mistake. “Remember that a continual quest for perfection can
stop your creativity, your plans and your projects. So, begin to enjoy what you
do – it simply is ‘good enough’ in itself,’ says Field.
MAKEOVER MOVE
To bolster your confidence, start by doing things you are afraid of. Learn
to take risks, and be courageous for one whole day. Ask yourself: what is the
worst thing that can happen to you if you failed? You will see that it is not
quite as bad as you had imagined it to be. Never let failure overcome you, and
instead try to learn from your mistakes and improve along the way. It is also
very important to make sure that the goals you fix for yourself are realistic
and achievable. “We can set ourselves up for failure by aiming too high, too
low, or simply not in the direction best suited to our aptitudes and skills,”
says Gael Lindenfield, author of The Positive Woman.