Dr. ABBAS  home.gif (1126 bytes)

                                                                                             

Lost Virginity

Q. I am 18 years old and not virgin. I was just wondering that if a guy can tell if one is virgin or not the first time they have sex with you? I will be getting married in six months time. If there is no blood, how can they tell? They were also saying that you get stretched out after years of having sex. Is this true? What if you do not have sex for a number of years, do you get tight again?
Concerned Reader, DSM.

A. Ever since women have become more active, riding bicycles and playing sports, more and more women are breaking their hymen before they actually have intercourse. If their hymen is broken, then there will be no bleeding the first time when they have intercourse, and without that bleeding there is no way for a man to tell whether or not they are a virgin. Some may or may not have slight resistance in penetration. All they can do is believe the woman. One have sexual intercourse a dozen or more times a day, but at the frequency that most women engage in sex, they are not going to get stretched out from sexual activity. What often does stretch the vagina is giving birth. Sometimes a gynenocologist can add a few stitches right after the childbirth to restore this tightness, but there is no natural way for this to take place by itself.

Painful Intercourse

Q. I am 30 years old virgin who had intercourse and found to be very painful and pain persists. I experience pain even inserting a tampon before intercourse. I have lost all my concentration and all the time thinking about it. I am not enjoying sex. What is wrong with me?
Concerned Reader, DSM.

A. You have condition called dyspareunia. It means that the act of intercourse is difficult and painful or penetration is incomplete. There could be many causes of painful intercourse. One of the causes is obstruction at the opening of the vagina due to thick and tough hymen, which resists stretching or tearing. Vaginismus is the commonest and most important cause of Dyspareunia. It is a condition of spasm affecting the vaginal muscles. The spasm may be so great that the lower vagina is practically closed and both husband and wife have the impression that there is obstruction. It is common in over anxious women who may be physically attractive but spoilt. Often husband is over considerate and lacking in virility. Other factors are lack of sex education, ignorance, initially painful and clumsy attempts at coitus, unfortunate experience, fear of pregnancy or childbirth and use of contraceptives. All these will lead to painful intercourse. Most of the time special dilators to stretch hymen works perfectly. One has to start with smallest dilator and eventually made it to the largest. The dilator will gradually stretch without pain. Lubricants are extremely helpful. Lastly, when no treatment works then one has to opt for surgery.

Fantasies

Q. My wife and I have been together for 15 years and share the most fantastic love life. We often reveal our fantasies and act some of them out brining ecstatic and mutual pleasure. For some time now my wife has desired group sex and this idea turns me on as well as my wife. We have a person in our mind works for us to bring for group sex and all precautions have been taken regarding sexual diseases. Is this abnormal feeling or is it healthy to have such thoughts? Are my desires okay?
Concerned Reader, Singida.

A. No you are not gay nor abnormal. Such fantasies are popular. One of the truisms of any long standing relationship is that you need to work at it. Finding new and exciting things to keep the sparkle in your love life are one of the keys to a successful sexual relationship. Even so, fantasy turned into reality can be great disappointment. What generally happens is one partner enjoys it more than the other and wants to continue. The single biggest danger is jealous. Jealousy starts creep in and then comes the full-blown row. You are all mature and can make up your own mind, and it is not a matter of morals. Do what ever you both want to do so long as nobody gets hurt. If you can survive this experiment you have an extremely stable relationship. Most marriages and relationships eventually crumble. Talking through such encounter can provide greater sexual stimulation without hassle of divorce. It is better to enjoy the fantasy rather than the reality. Lastly, what ever you people decide make sure as you said safer sex is vital.