Dr. ABBAS 

Boredom in Marriage

Q. I am 32 years old and my husband is 34 years old. We have been married for five
years. How can one overcome boredom in a disturbed marital harmony? Secondly, is
masturbation after marriage normal?
Concerned Reader, DSM.

A. It is essential that the partners accept the fact that the problem exists and for which
both have to share equal responsibility. Just talking about it, at times could be
helpful. Taking a vacation, leading to a change of environment, may be a wonderful
experience. Having sex at the same time, in the same manner, at the same place,
gives a tinge of monotony and dullness. Sometimes, experimenting with new sensual
and sexual approaches, reading sexual material, seeing erotic pictures and movies,
or love play with no pressure to perform, can have a therapeutic effect on a couple’s
sexual relationship. Making love somewhere other than bed, creating a sensual
atmosphere can help as psychological aphrodisiacs. Poor communication between
the partners is a common cause for boredom and needs to be remedied. Romance
need not end with the marriage. Caressing your partner may give her the feeling you
are still attracted to her. Going out in the evening or taking an unscheduled weekend
off for no particular reason help in rekindling excitement in lovemaking.
Sex alone is merely a physical thing but pleasure derived from sex has emotional as
well as intellectual dimensions. The importance of romantic social interplay and
sensual interplay along with sexual interplay cannot be overemphasized. Response to
your second part of the question, yes, masturbation is normal even in married
individuals. It may be encouraged during periods of separation, illness and in
conditions where one partner’s sexual needs are beyond the sexual capacity of the
other.

Sex During Jaundice

Q. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 26 years old. I have sustained jaundice and
feel like having sex with my boyfriend. Can I indulge in sex during jaundice?
Concerned Reader, Lindi.

A. This will depend upon the cause of jaundice. There are many causes of jaundice.
One that should cause maximum concern is viral hepatitis, the reason being the
sexual transmission of the disease to the spouse, who then may or may not manifest
jaundice but may yet harbor the virus. Roughly speaking the chances of transmitting
the virus are maximum in the early stages of illness, especially in the prodromal
phase, which immediately precedes the onset of jaundice. The hepatitis B virus and
possibly C and D virus are the important culprits. It would be prudent to consult the
physician at the earliest and get both the partners examined for the same.
Vaginal and even oral sex may transmit the virus.
Barrier contraceptives (condom) do provide an effective method of protection against
the sexual transmission; however, it would still be advisable to get the partner
vaccinated at the earliest. Vaccination is available for hepatitis B and not for hepatitis
C. In case of jaundice due to hepatitis B, the spouse should be checked. If the tests
are negative for hepatitis then passive vaccination with hepatitis B should be given
immediately and one month after the first dose. It is strictly advisable not to have
unprotected sex with the infected partner.
Once the patient with jaundice has developed immunity to the virus and the spouse is
already protected with vaccination, which takes up to six weeks, normal sexual
intercourse can be resumed.

Sexual Drive

Q. I am 30 years old and would like to know about the sexual drive. I have noticed
that there are times when my sex drive is much higher than normal. Why do I get
these sexual feelings at certain times?
Concerned Reader, Kigoma.

A. Everyone’s sex drive is different. Some women desire sex several times a day and
others are content with sex once a month or even no sex at all. The important thing is
to find a sexual partner that meets your needs.
Many things determine the sex drive. Hormones play a major role in libido, but so
also do thoughts and feelings. For example, if you are at the beginning of an intense
new relationship, you may feel sexually charged most of the time. If you are having
relationship problems on the other hand, this is likely to dampen your sex drive. You
cannot feel sexy all the time as your sex drive is partly determined by the rise and fall
of the hormones that govern the menstrual cycle.
Although everyone is different, many women report peaks in their sex drive around
the time of ovulation. If for example you have a 28 day cycle, you usually ovulate
around the 14th day of your menstrual cycle. The few days leading up to your period
and or during your period can also be a time of heightened sex drive.