Marriage
Secrets
By Angela Mazula & Kizito Makoye
Getting married might not be that tricky, but making the marriage last is
something
altogether different. The Express has spoken to five couples who have made it.
The
couples reveal their secrets behind their successful marriages and how they
overcome any differences in their relationships which, they admit, are part of
everyday married life. Most important in every marriage is to find time for each
other.
This could be difficult when both partners have a busy professional life. And
the
couples we have spoken to should know a thing or two about that; both having
successful professional careers and a partner to care for. Someone once said
that the
more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. And that says it
all.
Valentine’s Day offers a great opportunity to take some time off and invest in
your
relationship. It is the one day for exchanging chocolates, roses, champagne and
promises. Enjoy the reading and Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.
Questions:
1. What do you think is the chemistry of a successful marriage?
2. How do you manage between profession and personal life?
3. How do you sort out your discords?
4. What is the quality in your partner that you feel has made the marriage
successful?
5. How do you find time for each other?
6. What is the most memorable moment of your married life?
Zully and Sheinul Rehemtulla, Director of Computer Wizards Ltd. and
hairdresser
respectively
1.(Zully) I think for any successful marriage there must be understanding
between
couples with the aim of generating a family and prosperity in business and
social life.
It is a question of compromise between one thing and another.
2.(Zully) If I am at work, it is time to work and the same goes for when I am at
home.
Of course sometimes you might prolong work time. It is important to have a
balance
between the two; I have to programme myself so that I have time for both work
and
home.
3.(Zully) In life there are small things that are bound to come out. As mature
persons
you have to solve your own problems internally rather than seeking help from
outside. It is the two of you who decided to come together; therefore you have
to sort
out any shortcomings yourselves. There is no one in this world that could come
and
help sort out our internal problems.
4.(Zully) I think my wife has been very strong; she has always stood by my side.
She
has been able to take a lot of rubbish from me. It is certainly her patience and
the
whole objective of marriage that have helped us to reach where we are today. 22
years in marriage is no joke. I must admit she is a strong lady.
5.(Zully) It is similar to a monthly budget, when someone makes a budget he has
to
determine the amount of money he/she spends. You have to make a provision for
your personal life. It is mutual understanding which keeps us going. When I do
not get
time for her she understands and vice versa.
6.(Zully) I can not specifically talk of a particular incident that I remember
most
because there is so much which has been happening.
Filbert and Anna Bayi, Secretary General Tanzanian Olympic Committee and
Managing Director and Chief Executive Officer of a Nursery Primary and Secondary
School respectively
1.(Filbert) I have been living with my wife for over 30 years. I dare to say
that the
existence of our marriage so far is attributed to our mutual trust bearing in
mind that I
am an international athlete. My wife encouraged me and I had to do likewise as
she
was bringing up our firstborn Englebert who now is 30 years old.
2.(Filbert) When I went to America for further studies in 1983, for over five
years my
wife had to engage in business and at times I dispatched her some dollars which
I
was getting as allowances after competing. Love and sports were not
incompatible,
for my wife was also a sports lady with an interest in netball. Both of us had
one
vision and mission: “to better our future life”.
3.(Filbert) Misunder-standings are always possible in married life. This may at
times
be attributed to rumours being spread by those who do not wish us well. If the
married couple are firm any quarrels will prove fruitless. There were many
conflicting
views and lies from the so called friends. We managed to overcome them knowing
that their ambitions have been to disrupt our marriage which was flowering.
4. (Filbert) The success we have had so far especially with regard to the
establishment
of the Nursery, Primary and Secondary Schools is all attributed to a successful
marriage. In 1996 we decided to establish a Nursery English Medium School. My
wife
is the Managing Director and Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of all administrative
activities of the Schools.
5.(Filbert) The school activities and other national ones deprive us of time to
be all the
time together, even for the whole day in our attempts to give services to our
entrusted
children and cater for our family of four children. But we do spare special time
for
family life.
6.(Filbert) We have managed to get five children but one of our sons Valentine
died in
1982 and God has made possible for us to establish schools with good progress.
Our
achievement has been caused by prayers, hard work, commitment, consistency and
sacrifices.
Lucy and Beraldo Kihwele, Public Relations Manager Multi Choice Tanzania and
businessman respectively
1.(Lucy) The chemistry in marriage life is in love, trust and communications
which will
keep the relationship growing. Before people make up their minds to live
marriage
they must think twice before any influence from outside. By doing that they can
be
able to achieve their goals and have a successful life.
2.(Lucy) I must manage the marriage life and professional because it is my
responsibility to do so, it is the matter of adjusting my time. I must know that
at this
time I am staying with the children and that time with my husband. If at all I
do not do
that, who else do you think can do that?
3.(Lucy) Misunderstandings do occur, with my husband for instance, there are
times
we disagree on certain issues, but whenever we differ there is time for us to
sit and
sort out the matter slowly.
4.(Lucy) Commitment is the only thing that makes couples succeed in marriage. I
really give credit to my husband because I real appreciate him for what he does.
He
never ignores me and he always shows his perfect love for me.
5.(Lucy) We often spend time for conversation while driving to and from work. We
some times go together to exercise at the gym. My husband is a businessman, he
has
no time limitation.
6.(Lucy) I think the most memorable time of our marriage is the wedding day
because
it is the only day which happens once.
Mohamed and Saira Dewji, businessman and marketing consultant respectively.
1.(Mohamed) Honesty, trust, openness, mutual respect, understanding, love and
commitment.
2.(Mohamed) Though difficult, I always try and strike a balance between the two.
3. (Mohamed) In privacy, by listening to what each one has to say and arriving
at a
satisfying conclusion to both. You should never let a third party know that a
problem
exists, just say sorry to each other.
4.(Mohamed) Honesty, transparency, trust and above all a relationship based on
mutual understanding, love and respect for each other.
5.(Mohamed) I often get time in the evenings when I come back home from work,
and
during weekends.
6.(Mohamed) The most memorable moment of my married life was the 20th of May
2003, the birth of my daughter Nyla.
Betty and Charles Mkwasa news presenter on ITV
and Permanent Secretary of
Pangollin Elite Sport Foundation
1.(Betty and Charles) We think that the secret of a successful marriage is to
have
passion and to know and tackle the weakness and strong points of your
counterpart.
2. (Betty and Charles) It is very easy to manage the two aspects even though it
is hard
to believe, you can’t change someone’s profession which interrelates with
personal
life. You have to counter effectively by giving your counterpart full support.
3.(Betty and Charles) Not yet happened but if it is going to happen the only
solution is
first to establish the problem by talking openly to my counterpart about the
issue also
try to avoid the information leaking out to the neighbours.
4.(Betty and Charles) The only quality of the partnership that has made our
marriage
successful is honesty, true love and to reach the commitment that we have for
each
other.
5.(Betty and Charles) We think it is terrible because everyday the time we get
is very
minimal and often we meet at very late hours when we are both tired.
6.(Betty and Charles) The most memorable moment of our marriage life is the day
when we shifted to our own house.
Maasai
women want their husbands back
Nestory Ngwega,Tanga
Maasai women in Muheza District have pledged to the government to
bring back their
husbands who have run to towns to work as property night guards.
Because of the absence of their husbands, the women say they cannot manage to
take care of their families thus making their lives miserable.
The Maasai women made their request when a team of government leaders and
activists visited Mazora and Zizini villages in the district.
In some instances, men decide to go to town without even to inform their wives,
claimed the women.
Following Maasai culture, women are not allowed to own properties. This
tradition
makes it difficult for women to manage the household in a manner they would like
to,
they said.
Despite this tradition there are parts of the Maasai culture that have changed.
For
instance, a Maasai does not necessarily have to keep animals. Today many Maasai
have resorted to other means of earning a livelihood, working as guards or
plaiting
hair in saloons.
The reason for this change in culture, according to the women was mainly
persistent
of drought which has made it difficult for the Maasai to keep cattle.
But the women insisted that if men leave for towns they have to remember the
families they leave behind in the villages.
According to the women, a good and wise decision by the government would be to
order all Maasai men in towns to come back to their respective areas and join
their
families.
Advising them Imelda Hyera, an activist, urged the women to involve themselves
and
their husbands in activities like farming rather than running to towns.
Eastern Mountain Range Forest
Reserve on the verge of vanishing
By Merline Mhamaka, Morogoro
More than 70 per cent of the Eastern Mountain Range Forest Reserve
has vanished
due to environmental degradation caused by man.
This was revealed by the Coordinator of the Preservation and Forests Development
Programme of the Eastern Mountain Range in Tanzania Dr. Felician Kilahama, when
inaugurating the programme last week in Morogoro Region.
Dr. Kilahama said it was imperative that the government together with the public
and
other forest stakeholders took concerted efforts to stop the degradation.
The forests in the Eastern Mountain Range of Tanzania are important. There are
round 85 animal species and 800 plants of various types in the forests.
Moreover, he added, the forests are important sources of water and many rare
living
organisms not to be found elsewhere in the world live there, like the African
Violet
plant, Uluguru Shriek bird and the Sange Manga Bay.
The Eastern Mountain Forests Range is the major water source for rivers such as
Ruvu, Sigi, Kihansi, Kilombero and Wami together with Ruaha and Pangani rivers
which all get their waters from there.
It is estimated that 50 per cent of the electricity produced in the country is
supplied
from the rivers of the Eastern Mountain Forests Range.
ICTR
witnesses to testify via video link
A programme to have witnesses of the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda
testify via video link from Kigali has been endorsed by the tribunal and the
Rwandan
government, it was reported last week by Hirondelle News Agency in Lausanne.
The two institutions have agreed on the decision and it is only subject to an
approval
by the courts.
“This is an alternative measure to enhance the protection of witnesses,” the
spokesperson of the tribunal Roland Amoussouga said.
Amoussouga said that the matter was among the key issues discussed during a
meeting between a delegation of ICTR officials and some senior officials of the
Rwandan government in Kigali last week.
He explained that not all witnesses in Rwanda would use the video link at the
ICTR
offices in Kigali, only those who may be unable to travel to Arusha for reasons
of
illness or insecurity.
Tanga students
reject FGM
Nestory Ngwega, Tanga
Students in Tanga Region have appealed to the government to
introduce life
sentences for people found practising female genital mutilation in the
community.
The view was aired this week during a students’ forum on FGM held at Mkwakwani
Secondary School here.
They said that the action of removing parts of women’s genitals was barbaric and
therefore the government should take serious actions against it, including heavy
punishment for offenders.
Kadogo Kombo who in Form Four at Mkwakwani Secondary said that, apart from
educating residents in the community, there was a need for a punishment that
would
threaten the public.
Another student, Avita Christant also in Form Four, said that through
mutilation, some
women had been HIV infected thus putting their lives at risk. To balance the
crime
and its impact she thought it was better for anyone involved in women mutilation
to
serve a life sentence in jail.
Other students supported and said that the present punishment of between five
and 15
years in jail or a fine of Tsh. 300,000 was not appropriate in comparison with
the
effects of FGM.
They also requested the government and anti FGM activists to conduct frequent
forums for students to make them aware and take part in the fight against FGM.
One of the school’s advisor teachers, Rhoda Mtoi called upon the students to
make
use of their education in order to overcome matters in their daily life.
Selected regions get improved
health services
By Kizitto Joseph
Nine regions in the country will be targeted in a five year plan intending to
improve
health and maternity services.
The aim is to offer a large number of people in Arusha, Dodoma, Manyara,
Kilimanjaro, Kigoma, Mwanza, Rukwa, Shinyanga and Tabora improved health
services and spread education on family planning.
Director for Hospital Services in the Ministry of Health, Dr. Zacharia Berege
said in Dar
es Salaam over the weekend that through the project, people will be educated on
their health rights and the importance of family planning.
The target is to reach at least 20 per cent of the people in the selected
regions with
information and education.
When the project finishes, there will be an evaluation of people’s perception
and
knowledge of family planning and its importance, said Berege.
The AQUIRE plan, as the project s called, is sponsored by USAID.
back to headlines
Businessmen urged to use money
wisely
By Danny Eliah, Dodoma
Dodoma Urban District Commissioner (DC) Retired Lientenant Shaabani
Muyombo,
has requested businessmen in the municipality to plan correct ways of spending
their
money and stop using a lot of money contributing to weddings and other
celebrations.
The DC gave this warning when closing a five days training for petty traders.
Unethical behaviour troubles
MCT
By Kizito Makoye
The Media Council of Tanzania (MCT) has expressed its frustration on
increased
violations of media ethics among local journalists, warning that the continuing
trend
is likely to harm the country’s press freedom.
The Executive Secretary of MCT Anthony Ngaiza said at a seminar for editors in
Dar
es Salaam last week that transgression of media ethics could force the
government to
enact laws allowing it to scrutinise what the media produces.
He said MCT believes that statutory control could be misused by corrupt forces
to stop
the media from reporting in the public interest.
“The need for renewed emphasis on ethics in journalism has never been greater,
evidence of a sharp decline in ethical standards in our media houses is all
around
us,” Ngaiza said.
According to Ngaiza, most journalists lack both the will and experience in
ethical
reasoning.
He also expressed his doubts whether there is a system that can provide the
media
with independence from the government while ensuring responsibility and
accountability for its actions.
CIDEF-DO gives loans to combat
poverty
By Danny Eliah, Dodoma
The Community Initiative for Development Financing-Dodoma (CIDEF-DO) in the
President’s Office (Poverty Eradication) has given loans amounting to Tsh. 20
million
between 2001 and 2004 to groups which incorporate community participation.
The loans were given to various groups that undertake petty businesses in Dodoma
Municipality.
CIDEF-DO General Manager, Cletius Lushegara told The Express in his office
recently
that before the groups are given loans, they are given training on how to run
business.
Loans of between Tsh. 100,000 and Tsh. 300,000 are given to each group of five
members.
The groups are required to repay the loans within a period of six months at an
interest of 15 per cent.
The loans are given for doing business and for agricultural purposes.
Many HIV orphans in Iringa
now in school
By Timothy Kitundu
The Tanzania Home Economics Association (TAHEA) supported a total of
8,315
HIV/AIDS orphans in Iringa Region last year. The orphans are now attending
school,
from primary education to tertiary level.
However, the number of orphans in the region is almost doubled. TAHEA Treasurer
Rosemary Staki, told The Express in Dar es Salaam last week that the increase in
HIV/AIDS orphans explains why almost 60 per cent of the men in Makete District
leave
behind their families to become migrant labourers for up to two years.
“When coming back to their families most of them are infected with HIV/AIDS
hence
transmitting the infection to their spouses,” she said.
Staki said that of the orphans, who received support in the whole Region, 1,925
are in
primary schools, 13 joined vocational education, one is at the Sokoine
University of
Agriculture (SUA) and 286 are in secondary schools.
She said the remaining are those who have completed primary education and were
not selected for secondary education. “The sad news is that a total of 13
children
died,” she added.
“The services have also greatly reduced the problems of child labour, school
absenteeism and school drop outs amongst orphans and have greatly reduced the
problem of stigmatization amongst the orphans,” Staki said.
Despite the achievements, problems still remain. Staki mentioned that the number
of
orphans has increased rapidly in the last couple of years.
Another obstacle is lack of resources. When more orphans are selected to join
secondary schools, it means that the organisation’s financial resources are
strained
and it cannot support as many primary school pupils as it would like to.
“We want to ensure is that the programme of Mama Mkubwa spreads in all villages
of
Makete District and at the same time look for various methods of increasing the
income of Mama Mkubwa through income generating projects,” she said.
Other future plans for TAHEA is continued HIV/AIDS education, particularly in
the
aspect of behaviour change in order to eliminate stigma, continued support to
orphans undergoing secondary education and to sensitise various organization to
support orphans.
GM food to enter TZ market
By Express Reporter
Tanzania is drafting laws to pave way for the introduction of
genetically modified
food, which anti-GMO (genetically modified organisms) campaigners and some
African nations fear may harm people or damage local crops.
The Minister for Agriculture and Food Security, Charles Keenja told reporters in
Uganda recently that Tanzania will have to adopt breeding technologies to curb
food
shortages, which continue to haunt the country due to recurrent drought and crop
failure.
“We are working on rules and regulations which will govern the introduction of
genetically modified technology into the country,” the minister said.
Most Europeans tend to be wary of GMO crops and food, arguing that too little is
known about the effects of consuming GM foods. Many farmers are trying their
best to
avoid growing GM crops since they feel it might harm their image of being
responsible farmers. However, growers and consumers alike in the US have a more
positive attitude towards GM food.
In Africa, where food shortages are frequent, some countries have banned
genetically
modified food imports, while others have turned to them because of the potential
for
hardier crops.
The issue is further complicated because some food aid given in Africa can
contain
GMO products.
The minister said the legislative process could take until the end of the year,
at which
time Tanzania would decide what types of food it would import.
There are fears that the technology could bring in genetic material harmful to
Tanzanian crops, the environment or human health, Keenja said.
“We are trying to be careful so that we do not import the adverse effects of the
technology. So eventually, we know we shall have to adopt, but we want to be
careful,” he said.
Despite the fact that East Africa as a region reduced the number of hungry
people
between 1990-1992 and 2000 -2002, Tanzania is one of the few countries which
have
seen a reverse trend.
The fact is that the number of hungry people in the country has increased in the
on
past one decade, according to a report by the Food and Agriculture Organization.
Food shortages were recently reported in several regions including Dodoma,
Shinyanga, Singida, Manyara, Lindi, Coast and Morogoro. The problem also exists
in
Tanga, Kilimanjaro, Arusha and Mwanza.
It is widely felt by experts and common people in Tanzania that the problem of
food
shortage is not with production but with inefficient management and improper
distribution system. Many are blaming the government for mismanaging the
distribution system and not doing its outmost to combat the problem of food
shortages
in the country.
Dialysis unit opens in Dar
By Kizitto Joseph
The condition of patients suffering from kidney failure is likely to
improve following
the opening of a dialysis unit at Aga Khan Hospital in Dar es Salaam.
The unit is equipped with two modern dialysis machines imported from Germany.
The
machines are fitted with self-testing and sterilizing functions as well as
safety alarms.
The hospital’s consultant physician, Dr. Vyas said recently that five well
trained
nephrologists will attend to the kidney patients.
“Since the unit started, dialysis sessions have been performed successfully.
This is a
great step in the provision of services to the community and improvement of the
quality of life in Tanzania,” he said.
Kidney failure leads to lack of urea purification and blood cleansing. Dialysis
treatments enhance the kidneys’ functions and can replace them altogether.
Kidney
failure is a latent disease as it can take years before the patient recognises
any of the
symptoms.
Symptoms include swellings below the eyelids, nausea and weight loss. High
amounts of urea in the blood can only be detected through laboratory testing.