Dr. ABBAS 

High Blood Pressure & Physical Activity

I am 42 years old and have been diagnosed as having high blood pressure. How does physical activity help if you have high blood pressure?
Concerned Reader, DSM.

A. Your blood pressure measurement is made up of systolic and diastolic pressures. The first number is the systolic blood pressure measured during heartbeats, and the second is the diastolic blood pressure between heartbeats. Regular physical activity can lower both blood pressures.
Patients usually get the biggest reduction in blood pressure with the first ten weeks of activity. It is important that you remain active to maintain the benefits. Increasing your levels of activity helps speed up your metabolism. This helps you to burn more calories and lose weight as long as you do not eat more to compensate for this. Physical activity helps reduce other risk factors for heart disease, such as high blood cholesterol levels, being overweight, developing diabetes and the risk of having a stroke. Physical activity, along with a healthy diet, helps to reduce stress and improves your overall feeling of well-being and quality of life, and helps you sleep well. It also reduces the risk of osteoporosis, etc.

Having Sex With Other Men

Q. We have been married for 15 years. During sex, my man graphically describes other men having sex with me. He really seems to enjoy it, and I do not know what to say to him about it. Can you help me understand his fantasy?
Concerned Reader, Singida.

A. This is a very common male fantasy. As for why these kinky thoughts get your man going, there could be many reasons: Maybe he let his imagination run wild one night, and since you did not dissuade him, he assumed you were as into it as he was. Perhaps thinking of other guys pleasuring you very much alleviates his performance pressure. It could be that the idea of other guys wanting his woman feeds his ego. He may also become turned on visualizing you with other men because it allows him to see you as a completely sexual object. It is possible that he feels that you are enjoying it and he is making best of it. It could be any of these reasons or none of them and the truth is, he might not even know himself.
So rather than get caught up trying to figure out the root of his fantasy, figure out how it makes you feel. Since your husband feels safe sharing his most intimate thoughts with you, you should be as open with him. If his graphic descriptions make you uneasy, let him know. Do not make a big deal out of it; you do not want to make him feel bad. Simply tell him that his erotic daydream does not turn you on, and you would appreciate it if he would keep this one to himself. You can also suggest some sexy scenarios that will turn you on. If you do find his comments about other men exciting, however, jump in and add your own titillating thoughts, so his fantasy becomes something you share that electrifies the experience for both of you.

Foreplay From My Husband

Q. I have been married for almost two years now and still have not had an orgasm. It did not bother me at first because I suspected that as we got to know each other, things would fall into place. He stimulates me for just a few minutes, then gets into his own orgasm and forgets about me. We dated for five years before we got married and I was a virgin until our wedding night, so part of me wonders if I blocked my sexual feelings for so long that I cannot get aroused quickly now. Is there any advice on how to help him slow down during foreplay so I can actually start getting aroused?
Concerned Reader, Arusha.

A. First of all, stop blaming yourself. Most women need longer than five minutes of foreplay to become aroused to the point where they can have an orgasm, so if you require such stimulation, that is just the way it is. Now, if he does not know this, then you have to explain it to him. If he loves you, he should want to please you and do whatever it takes to help you have an orgasm. He waited five years to have intercourse with you, so I cannot believe he cannot wait a few minutes more to enter you each time you make love. To have intense orgasms make sure that you are fully aroused in the build up to orgasm. You may find that fantasizing during sex gives you a more powerful orgasm. Immersing yourself in fantasy also helps you to forget any inhibitions you may have and this in itself can enhance orgasm.