Dr. ABBAS 

Share Fantasies With Spouse
Q. Lately I have had a recurring fantasy of my wife having sex with another man. Sometimes I fantasize watching her in action. She is not at all this way; she is, in fact, very devoted to me and never shows the least bit of interest in other men. I have never spoken to her about this. I doubt that I would ever consider making the fantasy a reality either. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Should I tell my wife?
Concerned reader, Kigoma.

A. If you had a fantasy about becoming president or winning the lottery or having a fancy sports car in your driveway, you would not be concerned about it, would you? So why are you more concerned about having a sexual fantasy? Fantasies are just that: fantasies. You do not expect fantasies to come true or live. Fantasies are not goals. If you wanted a promotion at work, that is a realistic goal you could work towards, whether or not you ever got it. Now, if you spent a lot of time daydreaming about what you would do if you had this promotion but did not lift a finger to get it, then it would be a fantasy.
You should not tell your wife about this fantasy if you know that she would be upset, so why upset her? If you had a more realistic sexual fantasy, one that she might consider, then you could bring it up. There is a good reason to use fantasies that are not realistic, such as the one you have been having, to arouse yourself. You will not feel that disappointment with the fantasies you are having now because you know they are out of the question. So rather than worry about these fantasies, use them to become aroused and just be careful not to confuse these fantasies with reality.

Early Puberty
Q. I have a son who seems to have sexually matured at the age of 8. My son has already developed hairs under the arms and around his private parts. His voice is changing. We are very worried. What could be the reasons? Kindly, can you briefly explain to us.
Concerned Reader, Lindi.

A. Sexual maturity before the age of eight in girls and ten in boys is evident when girl’s breasts increase in size and menstruation is early. In boys the penis, testicles, pubic hair and underarm hair grow, the beard begins to grow, and somewhat later the larynx increase in size and voice breaks. As a growth spurt is usually associated with puberty, such children are often tall for their age, but this in itself need not cause anxiety because an early growth spurt is often shorter than usual. The cause of early puberty is not always known. The cause can be pituitary tumour, which causes over production of sex hormones; it can also occur because of hyperactivity of the sex cells themselves. Children often have difficulty if they reach maturity early because they look older than they are supposed to be. Early sex education and good psychological treatment are important. I would suggest you that he should be taken for further physical and laboratory evaluation.

Refractory Period
Q. I am 23 years old and I had sex with my girl for the first time four months ago. During sex it usually takes 30 to 40 minutes for my penis to erect again. Is it a normal condition or do I have a problem of late ejaculation. Please help me doctor, thank you.
Concerned reader, Dar es Salaam.

A. This is normal refractory period. Most young men can enjoy one to two orgasms within an hour or so and this is also true for few older men as well. However with age the refractory period (the time between ejaculation and being able to get another erection) does become longer. In compensation, mature men may be less prone to premature ejaculation, meaning that they can keep going for longer giving and getting greater sexual satisfaction from a single lovemaking session.