This one`s for the dogs...!
3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet`s office. One is a Poodle, one is a Schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane. The Poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"
The Schnauzer responds, "I`m 17 years old. I don`t see or hear very well. I`ve been having accidents in the house. My owner says I`m too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."
The Schnauzer asks the poodle, "Why are you here?"
The Poodle responds, "I`ve not been myself lately. I`ve been especially high strung. I`ve been barking all the time, I`ve been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor`s kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can`t risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."
The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here.
The Great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful ramp model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked, when she suddenly bent down to pick up something. She bent over and when the animal urge took over and the next thing I know- I`m on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn`t help myself."
The Poodle asks, "So your owner brought you here to be put to sleep?"
The Great Dane says,"No, my owner model brought me here just to get my nails trimmed.
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So here I sit, in all my glory...!
Lend me an ear, and I`ll tell ya a story...
Once I had a wife--she was such a dear,
Then came the Internet, and it all disappeared!
Now there she sits , for hours on end...
I don`t care where I`m goin`, don`t care where I`ve been.
It could be two, or it could be nine...
she really doesn`t care, long as she`s online.
She gets outta work and rushes home,
She comes in screaming at me, "Get off the phone!"
Where the hell`s my hug? Where is my kiss?
But she`s at the computer--that`s all she missed!
Talking to buddies, checking the mail
All her priorities--I`m in cyber Hell!!
My stomach`s growling--it`s so unfair!
No clean dishes and I`m out of underwear!
Drink me a beer, stare at the walls V I`ll pick at my teeth while I`m scratching my ballsV Farting and burping all while I peeV Can you believe she`s there?? She could be with ME!!
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Tight shoes!
A man was seen walking in a drunkard manner, with anger written large on his face, wearing a pair of somewhat tight shoes. A Haryanavi passerby who happened to go that way, stopped and asked the man, "From where did you buy such tight shoes?"
"Aey Mister, you had better mind your own business. I ve plucked them from a tree! But I wonder what`s that to do with you."
"Absolutely nothing. But friend, you made some haste. If you had plucked them two or three months hence they would have definitely fitted your feet well," said the Haryanavi mockingly.
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Tailpiece
Exercise While Pregnant!
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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